Mental Wellness

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Do This to Save Your Marriage – Part 2: Learn to Complain Well

September 12, 2022October 4, 2022 Jan Anderson, PSYD, LPCC Issue 141

When was the last time you had a disagreement, an argument, or a big fight with your spouse or partner?

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Mental Wellness 

Do This to Save Your Marriage: How to Calm Down and Speak Non-Defensively

June 1, 2022September 12, 2022 Jan Anderson, PSYD, LPCC amygdala, amygdala-hijack, andspeak, andspeak non-defensively, animal component, basic human connection, brain, break eye contact, calm, calm experience, circuitry, classic marital impasse, cortex, counsel session, couple 's impasse, default mode network, diamond-in-the-rough, diamond-in-the-rough husband, Dr. Gottman, emotional contact, emotional earthquake, felt-sense, felt-sense experience, fight-or-flight chemical, gentle fist, hair-trigger instinct, happiness, husband 's marital Richter scale, impasse, instinctual brain, John Gottman, leave control, marriage researcher, marriage researcher 's mantra, mind-worshipping, mind-worshipping culture, new default mode network, new neural connection, newfound ability, non-defensively, partner, prefrontal cortex, process sensation, reactive wife, red alert reflex, reptilian brain, responsive husband, sensation, simple ground, simple way, small moment, small moment of new behavior, sweep thing, talk time, tsunami of feel, wife 's emotion, wife 's lack, wife 's lack of reactivity, wife seek connection, withdrawn husband

Wife: (taking her seat): I think I’m done. Husband: (looking confused): With what? Wife: The marriage. I’m done with the

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Mental Wellness 

The Relationship Pulse Check: A Ridiculously Easy Way to Reconnect and Recharge

April 1, 2022June 22, 2022 Jan Anderson, PSYD, LPCC airless quality, area of relationship stress, Band-Aid approach, check, counsel, counsel session, couple activity, couple counsel, couple counsel session, couple therapy work, detector, Dr. Gottman, easy way, evidence-based, evidence-based questionnaire, flow of relationship, good therapist, high degree of emotional intelligence, https://counselinghuntsville.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Relationship-Poop-Detector.pdf, individual work, John Gottman, makeup sex, marital poop detector, marriage counsel session, marriage researcher, natural ebb, partner, perspective, poop, poop detector, professional help, pulse, questionnaire, rare couple, regular couple activity, relationship connection, relationship corrosion, relationship poop detector, relationship pulse check, relationship stress, session, subtle relationship corrosion, track of relationship stress, unhappy couple

The Relationship Pulse Check is more than a “date night” Band-Aid approach to reconnecting with your partner. Think of it

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Mental Wellness 

Dead Certain You’re Unhappy, But Dead Set Against Divorce?

February 1, 2022April 19, 2022 Jan Anderson, PSYD, LPCC assumption, build distress tolerance, commitment, consequential decision, consult divorce attorney, counsel career, dead set, decision discomfort, divorce, emotional independence, emotional neglect, ethic, extreme alternative, focus group interview, good idea, good option, growth mindset, happiness, happy possibility, health problem surface, hot sex partner, let 's focus, Linda Waite, little appetite, marriage endurance ethic, marriage research, marriage work ethic, mindset, option, over-the-top expectation, partner, personal happiness, reasonable option, separation, serious mental health problem surface, solution-focused, solution-focused approach, spouse, spouse start, struggle spouse start, thirty-something woman, threaten divorce, tricky part, unhappy couple, unhappy couple stay, unhappy spouse, Waite, workout buddy

Miserable in your marriage? These days it’s easy to feel disappointed when a spouse doesn’t live up to our overload

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Mental Wellness 

Blinded by Estrangement: Can You Love Your Child Right Out of Your Life?

December 1, 2021February 15, 2022 Jan Anderson, PSYD, LPCC adult child, adult child 's perspective, adult-child estrangement, all-out investment, America 's middle class, American family life, Annette Lareau, aspirational ideal, awful thing, bewilder terrain, bewilder terrain of estrangement, counsel practice, cultural shift emphasize personal growth, degree of emotional closeness, denial of reality, E., emotional rollercoaster, estrangement, family estrangement, future of the American dream, giant chunk, giant chunk of grief, helpless rage, high expectation of fulfillment, image002 Say Whaaat, intensive parent, kid, major revision of the rule of American family life, middle-class crack, pain of estrangement, parent 's reaction, primary source of happiness, profound sense of betrayal, push family therapy, real vulnerability, reciprocal bond, reciprocal bond of kinship, root trace, rule of family relationship, self-compassion, self-compassion necessary, serious shift, Sharon hay, shift, sociologist, unanticipated downside, unexpected side-effect, unexpected side-effect of family estrangement, university of Virginia sociologist, unrelated economic influence, victim position, Virginia sociologist, vulnerability, wonder parent

Abuse? Neglect? It’s easy to understand why an adult child decides to have nothing to do with a parent who

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Mental Wellness 

Mom Guilt? How to Give Yourself — and Your Loved Ones — a Break.

October 1, 2021December 10, 2021 Jan Anderson, PSYD, LPCC 9-year-old son, adult child, adult-child estrangement, approved role, archetype, birthrate, care of the kiddos, caregiving, caregiving species, caregiving system, critic attack, displacement of the husband, Dr. Rohr, estrangement, ever-changing, ever-changing rule book, evolution of a unique caregiving system, evolution of the good mother archetype, evolutionarily-inspired, evolutionarily-inspired job, evolved survival system, family system, glare omission, good mother, good mother archetype, guilt, idea of a good mother, imagined aggression, inner critic, inner critic attack, Jessica Rohr, kiddos, long developmental period, mammalian caregiving species, Manuela Maier, mind of Jessica Rohr, mom, Mom guilt, mom guilt trigger, mother archetype, pernicious feel, pre-frontal, pre-frontal cortex, prolonged developmental period, prominent mainstream, rabenmutter, rabenmutter attitude, raven mother, reason 2, reptile egg hatch, secret shame, specific mom guilt trigger, train wreck of conflict emotion, trigger, twenty-first-century mom, unique caregiving system, wine mom, world 's low birthrate

“Good moms don’t have fun without their kids around.” You might be surprised at the woman who confessed this thought

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Mental Wellness 

Empathy 101 for A-Holes: A Love Story

August 1, 2021October 18, 2021 Jan Anderson, PSYD, LPCC 100% empathy, a-hole, a-holeness, bad can, brief moment, brief moment of connection, brief moment of utter exasperation, checklist, checklist approach appeal, client, client 's wife, cognitive empathy, counsel session, difficult relative, emotional empathy, empathic concern, empathy, empathy 101, empathy microchip, fix-it mode, genuine way, good care of the kid, good news, gridlock, Harvard business review series, inner a-hole, inner Empath, inner empathic side, let, let 's practice, let 's raise, let 's start, lucky break, moment, narcissist, natural curiosity, occasion of empathic response, operation empathy, partner 's nervous system calm, person 's perspective, personality transplant, raise heart rate, sign of emotion, strong rational mind, system calm, total narcissist, type of empathy, utter exasperation, wife 's bad mood, wife 's emotion, wife 's posture, wrong raise heart rate

“The reason I’m here is my wife is unhappy with me. I’m worried about her because I think she’s really

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Mental Wellness 

How to Get to a Breakthrough without Having a Breakdown

June 1, 2021September 9, 2021 Jan Anderson, PSYD, LPCC afloat hold pattern, authentic human connection, autopilot mode, bad boyfriend, boyfriend, brain, brain 's need, breakdown, brief description of rain, client, comfort balm, comfort of the familiar fake, compassion, conflict aspect, conflict aspect of complex situation, counsel session, critic attack, crowd of stranger, curiosity, disorient sense, disorient sense of discomfort, emotional risk-taking, familiar fake, field of awareness, friendly curiosity, good type of guy, human programme, inner adrenaline junkie, inner critic attack, less-functional, less-functional behavior pattern, narcissistic boyfriend, neuroscientist, present moment, present-moment reward, present-moment reward of therapy, rain, reward, reward option, sensation, session, survival-inspired, therapist, therapy, too-bad-to-keep-it, too-good-to-rock-the-boat, unsettle experience, wave of sensation, window of tolerance, wonder change, young adult life

“Why do you keep going back if it’s making you feel worse?” my boyfriend asked. We were talking about one

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Mental Wellness 

Matching to a Medical Residency: When Being Smart Isn’t Enough

April 1, 2021June 16, 2021 Jan Anderson, PSYD, LPCC 15 minute interview, big chance, big strength, business side of medicine, career success, career transition, chance, chosen specialty, comfort zone, deserve candidate, discomfort zone, dream specialty, entire corporate career, gate-keepers, good fit, high-impact essential, intelligence, interpersonal intelligence, interview skill, key gate-keepers, lackluster interview, logical-mathematical, logical-mathematical intelligence, medical residency, medical school, medical school train, medical student, medical student client, multiple intelligence, natural giftedness, newly-minted MD, out-placed, outstand academic, personal happiness, personal statement, pretty tough spot, psychology internship, residency, rigor of medical school train, skill, smarter, specialty, student client

You’d think it would be enough to be really smart, talented, hard-working, and determined. But to land a match in

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Mental Wellness 

How to Ask for Help If You’re a Perfectionist

February 1, 2021April 14, 2021 Jan Anderson, PSYD, LPCC ability of therapy, actionable change, airline captain, B., big predictor, book coach, book therapist, book-writing, book-writing phobia, bout of profound confusion, Brett Steenbarger, brief psychotherapy, client, client-counselor, client-counselor relationship, confrontational, counsel, divorce, Dr. John Gottman, end of discussion, entrepreneurial mode, environment of hope, ever-expanding morass, exhilarate high, exhilarate high of productivity, expert Dr. John Gottman, exploration of new pattern, face-saving way, favorite face-saving way, focused change effort, good therapist, hand-on-the-doorknob, hand-on-the-doorknob comment, increased empathy, increased expertise, intensive one-on-one therapy, new pattern, old pattern of thought, one-and-done marriage therapy session, one-on-one therapy, ongoing reinforcement, perfectionist, perfectionist tendency, perfectionistic professional, period of absolute clarity, personal counsel experience, personal turn point, plenty personal, powerful emotional experience, pre-marital, pre-marital counsel, professional development, profound confusion, rehearsal of the new pattern, relationship go, science of brief psychotherapy, starter marriage, strength of the client-counselor relationship, stuckness, therapeutic alliance, therapist, therapist 's help, therapy, tortured-reasoning, tricky part, troublesome period, true perfectionist, unhappy couple, use of a supportive relationship, well-meaning adage

I’m writing a book. There, I’ve said it. So almost five years into the process, I guess it’s actually going

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